boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize