love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
