So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
