Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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