My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
