tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i drank out of a bidet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
