i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
