Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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