dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
