I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
