fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
