tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
