Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
