At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
