I wish I only lived at night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
