my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
