he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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