I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
