Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
