When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
