if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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