i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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