if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
