But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize