I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
