You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
