I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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