we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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