Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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