The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize