I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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