You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
