I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize