Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You pole danced in your parka.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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