Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
