I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize