is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
