I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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