Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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