when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
