So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
