your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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