Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
