The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
