she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
