My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
