Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
