obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
