please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize