fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
