Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
