Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
