i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got inside last night via doggy door
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
