you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
