i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
