Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and she was petting her beer can
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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