she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
