You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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