i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
