You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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