My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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