So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
